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Separation: the dos and don’ts

Separation can bring urgent decisions about safety, children, housing and money. A few careful steps at the beginning can preserve important information, reduce conflict and make later negotiations easier.

This checklist is general information only. It cannot account for every relationship, and safety should always take priority over record-keeping or communication with a former partner.

Do put safety first

If you or a child is in immediate danger, call 000. If family violence is present, seek advice before telling the other person you are leaving, changing access to shared property or agreeing to a meeting.

Consider a safety plan, secure access to your phone and email, and keep important documents somewhere safe. A lawyer or family violence support service can help you plan the next steps.

Do record the separation date

The date of separation can affect divorce eligibility, evidence about post-separation contributions and time limits for some applications. Where it is safe, confirm the separation in writing and keep the message.

Couples can be separated while living under the same roof, but additional evidence may be needed. Keep a factual record of changes to sleeping arrangements, finances, household tasks and how the relationship is presented to family and friends.

Do preserve financial information

Make copies of records you are lawfully able to access, including:

• recent bank, mortgage and credit-card statements;
• tax returns and payslips;
• superannuation statements;
• company, trust and business records;
• documents for property, vehicles and investments;
• insurance policies and significant liabilities; and
• records of cryptocurrency or other digital assets.

Parties to a financial or property case have an ongoing duty of full and frank disclosure. Organised records can reduce delay and help both parties negotiate from a more accurate picture.

Do make short-term arrangements clear

Write down any interim agreement about children, bills, the home, vehicles or pets. Be clear about whether an arrangement is temporary and whether it is intended to change legal rights.

For children, focus on safety, predictable routines and practical communication. Keep adult financial disputes away from them and give schools or carers the information they genuinely need.

Do obtain advice before signing

Informal arrangements can have lasting consequences. Get advice before signing a transfer, refinancing a loan, withdrawing from a joint asset, entering a financial agreement or treating a property division as final.

A practical first appointment should identify urgent risks, likely deadlines, documents to gather and options for negotiation or mediation.

Don’t hide, destroy or move assets to defeat a claim

Do not conceal property, empty accounts, transfer assets to another person or destroy relevant records. Those actions can create serious disclosure problems, increase costs and affect the final outcome.

Protective steps may be appropriate where there is a real risk that an asset will be sold or removed, but obtain legal advice about the safest and lawful response.

Don’t use children as messengers

Children should not be asked to carry legal or financial messages, report on the other household or choose between parents. Use a suitable adult communication channel and keep messages brief, factual and focused on the child.

Don’t make major social-media posts about the dispute

Messages and social-media posts can become evidence. Avoid publishing allegations, private documents or information about children. If communication is difficult, use a method that creates a clear and respectful written record.

Don’t ignore deadlines or existing orders

Property and spousal-maintenance time limits can apply. Married people generally have 12 months after a divorce becomes final to apply for property adjustment, while de facto partners generally have two years after separation. Parenting orders and intervention orders remain binding until changed.

Act early if a deadline is approaching or an order is no longer workable. Applying out of time or responding to a breach is usually more complex than obtaining advice beforehand.

How Empower Family Law & Mediation can help

We can help you identify the immediate priorities, understand your options and plan a path through negotiation, mediation or Court proceedings where required.

Read about separation, property settlement, parenting and child custody or contact our team.

Your first 30-minute consultation is free. Call (03) 7020 6542.

For official information about financial records and obligations, see the Court’s duty of disclosure guidance.

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"Don't move assets" is a legal duty, not just good sense

The checklist above says not to hide, destroy or move assets. It is worth knowing how specific that obligation is, because people often assume it only starts once a case does.

You must disclose any disposal of property — by sale, transfer, assignment or gift — made in the year immediately before separation, or at any time since final separation, where it may affect, defeat or deplete a claim. The look-back period reaches backwards past the separation date. A transfer made while a relationship was ending, but before anyone had spoken to a lawyer, is still disclosable.

The duty itself begins with the pre-action procedure, before a case starts, and continues until it finishes. It covers your total direct and indirect financial circumstances, including property held through companies, trusts or other structures, or going to another person such as a child or a new partner.

What you will be asked to sign

Before the first court date, every party must file a written undertaking confirming they have read the disclosure provisions, understand the duty, have complied with it to the best of their knowledge and ability, and acknowledge that a breach may be contempt of court.

If a party fails to disclose, or files a false undertaking, the Court may refuse to let them rely on the material as evidence, stay or dismiss part or all of their case, order costs against them, or impose a fine or imprisonment for contempt. This is the practical reason the advice is always to disclose an awkward fact rather than omit it.

Disclosure in children's matters catches things people do not expect

Full and frank disclosure applies to parenting cases too, at every stage. The relevant material is case-specific, but it can include medical reports about a child or a parent, school reports, letters and drawings by the child, photographs, and a diary.

Two practical consequences follow. First, a private journal kept during separation may become disclosable, so write it knowing that. Second, if you obtain an expert report for a parenting case, you must give a copy to the other parties and to the independent children's lawyer if one is appointed — you cannot commission a report, dislike its conclusions, and quietly set it aside.

Where material is genuinely sensitive, the Court has power to order that a document, or part of it, not be produced because it would disclose a protected confidence. That is a decision for the Court, not something to assume.

If family violence is part of your situation

If you are in immediate danger, call 000. If you are not in immediate danger but want to report family violence to police, you can call 131 444 or attend a station.

Free and confidential support is also available through Family Advocacy and Support Services, which provide duty lawyers and social support workers to people with a family law matter affected by family violence — available whether you have experienced violence or another person says you have used it, and available even if you already have your own lawyer.

Disclosure information on this page reflects the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia's duty of disclosure brochure and its family violence support page, as at 27 October 2026. It is general information only, not legal advice, and does not replace advice about your own circumstances.

Do understand what the Court expects of you

Two obligations start earlier than most people realise, and both begin before any court case exists.

The first is the expectation that you make every effort to resolve the dispute before commencing litigation, where it is safe to do so. In parenting matters this is more than an expectation: family dispute resolution is mandatory before an application can be filed unless an exemption is granted.

The second is the duty of disclosure, which begins with the pre-action procedure rather than when proceedings start, and continues until the matter is finalised. It is ongoing: as your circumstances change or more documents come into your possession, power or control, you must keep disclosing. It covers your total direct and indirect financial circumstances, including interests held through companies, trusts or other structures, and income or property that goes to someone else such as a child or a new partner.

Do think about your Will and your nominations

A separation does not of itself revoke a Will, and a divorce can have consequences for one. Superannuation death benefit nominations, life insurance beneficiaries and jointly held property each operate under their own rules and are not automatically adjusted by a separation or by a property settlement.

These are easy to overlook in the months after separating, when attention is on children and immediate finances, and they are the kind of thing that causes serious difficulty if something happens before arrangements are finalised. It is worth raising them with your lawyer at the first appointment rather than at the end of the matter.

Don't assume an informal arrangement will hold

Many separating couples reach a workable understanding and stop there. The difficulty is that an informal agreement binds nobody: either of you can depart from it, and neither of you can enforce it. That tends to surface a year or two later, usually when one person's circumstances change.

Financial arrangements are documented either by consent orders, which are orders of the Court, or by a financial agreement, which requires each party to have independent legal advice. For children, the choice is between a parenting plan, which is not legally enforceable, and parenting orders, which are.

Don't delay because you are not ready to decide

Taking advice is not the same as committing to a course of action. Several of the deadlines that matter run from events rather than from when you feel ready: 12 months from a divorce becoming final, two years from a de facto separation, and the look-back period for disclosable property disposals, which reaches back a year before separation.

Knowing where you stand costs little and preserves options. Acting without knowing is what tends to narrow them.

Court information in this section reflects the published guidance of the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia, as at 27 October 2026. It is general information only, not legal advice.